On The Fence

I’ve read over your message more times than I should.

You took the time to write me back which I didn’t think you would.

I tried to make it easy, I tried to go away,

But every time I try to leave, you try to make me stay.

You don’t ever beg me or say very much at all,

But the things you do say always make me fall.

Your words were blunt and shaky, but they made me so proud,

I’m still trying to lose your face somewhere in the crowd.

I always knew it’d happen since our meeting on day one,

Why don’t we ever mean it when we say things like, “I’m done”?

You said you’re doing well now and growing up so fast,

You said you’re learning from your mistakes and are putting things in the past.

But you never said you missed me and you never said you’d call,

You never said you’d text me or leave a comment on my wall.

There was no, “I’m sorry. I take back what I said”,

You just left me to wonder and guess what’s in your head.

You took advantage of me, you made me hurt and cry,

Everything you’ve ever said I’ve chalked up to a lie.

You took away my self esteem and never gave it back,

You chipped away my lonely heart with every tiny crack.

I just wanted you to love me, but you never would.

So I wanted you to say goodbye, but you never could.

One time you said you loved me, I’ll never forget that day,

But then you went and took it back, said there was no possible way.

I don’t know what you’re thinking and I don’t know what you mean,

You never make me laugh half as much as you make me scream.

You said that you were happy you could finally move on,

Does that mean you’re happy I might actually be gone?

I was fine and I had peace and I thought you did too,

But if that were the case I would have never heard from you.

You threw in some harsh words so you didn’t sound too sweet,

 And you just had to say “Have Faith In Me” was playing on repeat.

My mind is so conflicted, my heart is torn in two,

I can’t help but think it doesn’t really matter what I do.

You pick the stupidest of fights where you tell me to leave you alone,

But then after some time has passed you come running back home.

I don’t know where to go now, the cross roads all are closed,

You’ve given me my highest highs and my lowest lows.

You think that you know me, but I think you forgot,

In our mangled romance we’ve lost and gained a lot.

So I need you to tell me, for once and for all,

Do I stay or do I go? You need to make the call.

I can’t play this game forever, you need to pick a side,

My emotions don’t ebb and flow with your ever changing tide.

I know you think I’ll leave you, I know you think I’ll bail,

But I’ve put too much into this to have it die or fail.

You say you’re growing up now? Well, it’s time to show it,

If you want me to stick around you need to let me know it.

I’m not like the others, I know you know that’s true,

I will always be there, I’m never leaving you.
So make a damn decision! I’m tired of the waiting!

In the end it’s between two; you’re either loving or hating.

-BlairieLouHoo

Written November 18, 2012